Breaking Brad: Tuesday, Feb. 7

Premium ContentMouse over Home then click on Premium Content for information.

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

* It's now reported that UNO experienced its own bedbug problem. All the bedbugs left campus when they couldn't find anywhere to park.

* Bob Kerrey announced he will not be running for Senate in Nebraska. State Democratic leaders are taking it in stride, and by taking it in stride I mean they've ordered flags lowered to half-staff.

* So the groundhog was wrong: It didn't take Kerrey six more weeks to make a decision.

* The NFL is dealing with fallout after hip-hop artist M.I.A. gave the middle finger during the Super Bowl halftime show. If anyone flipped a middle finger live on television, I'd have guessed it'd be one of the GOP presidential candidates during a debate.

* M.I.A. is facing enormous criticism. And that's just from Madonna for stealing the spotlight.

* Experts say M.I.A. giving the finger during the Super Bowl halftime show could increase the length of the broadcast delay during football games. I'm in favor of a longer delay if it'll allow for editing every time Brent Musburger says "Honey badger."

* Experts say there is evidence that retail activity in Omaha is picking up speed faster than the rest of the country. This is based on a rumor that someone was actually seen entering the Sears at the Crossroads on a weekday.

* The World-Herald profiled a man who has 1,500 board games in his home. To most, he's called a "games man." To me, he's "the guy I'd least like to be snowed in with."

* A new poll showed Rick Santorum doing better than expected in Minnesota and Colorado. Of course, 1.4 seconds after the poll came out, Romney launched his first attack ad vs. Santorum.

* Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty endorsed Mitt Romney. At least I think he did. As soon as Pawlenty began speaking, everyone in the room fell into a deep sleep.

* On Tuesday, Missouri holds a "symbolic vote" that has no real meaning. This is basically the political NIT.

* The Obama campaign is bragging about all the hundreds of new businesses that have opened during his presidency. And those are just the check-cashing stores.

* A Central Florida man is suing Newt Gingrich, claiming that after he voted in the Florida primary, a security officer for Newt stomped on his hand because he voted for Ron Paul. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what separates us from lesser countries: democracy.

* Just when you think we got through one Florida election without a major embarrassment, this happens.

* Actually, threatening to stomp on people who vote for his opponents is Gingrich's only hope at this point.

* President Obama has been invited to sing on "American Idol." The bad thing is, if Obama sings, this means under equal time laws that Newt Gingrich gets to compete on "So You Think You Can Dance."

* A treasure hunter claims to have discovered a sunken vessel off Cape Cod containing $3 billion in platinum bars. Turns out it's actually the Romney family yacht with enough spending money to last the weekend.

* In the National Review, Bob Dole wrote that when Gingrich was Speaker of the House, he "had a new idea every minute and most of them were off the wall." Gingrich said he'd have no comment until he returns from his mission to outer space to see if it's possible to open a combination Bikram yoga studio-Haagen Dazs on the moon.

* According to a survey, Nebraska is the second-best state for job hunters (behind North Dakota) and people are moving to Nebraska from other places to find work. But enough about Bob Kerrey.

* A New York jury convicted a prison inmate of filing a false tax return claiming he was entitled to an $890 million refund. A return filed by a prison inmate, claiming an $890 million refund. Do you think there were any audit red flags there?

* The Topless Tobogganing World Championships are about to get under way in Norway. This is pretty much a preview of the Democratic National Convention.

* An asteroid the size of a school bus just passed within 36,750 miles of earth. Or, as the Creighton basketball team calls that, "3-point shooting range."

* On Sunday night, country star Randy Travis was arrested for public intoxication at church. This is when you know your Super Bowl party got out of hand.

* Snoop Dogg was busted in Texas for alleged marijuana possession after his tour bus was pulled over at a border checkpoint. After realizing it was Snoop Dogg, the drug-sniffing dogs were seen doing cartwheels down Interstate 40.

* An "alert drug sniffing dog" notified law enforcement that Snoop may have marijuana. This was solely based on the dogs reading the license plate reading SNOOP.

* On the daytime "Cristina" show, an audience brawl broke out over "bad butt injections." Here's the scary thing: These were the classiest people to appear on a daytime talk show in a year.

* You know you've reached a new low when Maury Povich's audience can look at you and go, "Tsk, tsk."

* One of the moms featured on the reality show "Toddlers & Tiaras" is suing over something. I actually may sue the show for the 37 seconds of my life I'll never get back after watching a bit of "Toddlers & Tiaras."

* The 2009 Horse of the Year, Rachel Alexandra, is OK after being briefly treated at a hospital for some pain management. Everything was paid for. I'll weigh in on this soon as I come to grips with realizing that a horse has a better health plan than I do.

* South Sioux City player and Iowa recruit Mike Gesell is having a great year. You know what they'd call Gesell if he played for Omaha Central? "Sixth man."

* Kobe Bryant just passed Shaquille O'Neal for fifth on the NBA's all-time scoring list. There may be some hard feelings about this. Late in the fourth quarter, Shaq came out of the broadcast booth to block a Kobe lay-up.

* The UNO hockey team may play a game at TD Ameritrade Park next winter. According to an informal poll of the group "Beer Vendors of TD Ameritrade Park," there is 100 percent support for playing hockey there.

« Metro/Region

Share