How to choose — and gracefully limit — your list of attendants

By Laurie Brekke

B ridesmaids are a reflection of who you are, and should be chosen from those nearest and dearest to you. Fortunately — or not — the bride-to-be with lots of close friends and relatives faces a high stress dilemma when it’s time to select the A-team for her wedding.

You may be able to minimize hurt feelings if you operate with the premise that blood is thicker than water. Be diplomatic and move quickly.

Your maid or matron of honor and bridesmaids should be people you can count on when the inevitable wedding-related emotional meltdowns occur.

They should also be close enough to both families to serve as soothers, peacemakers and communicators when the throng of relative strangers merges for the festivities. Though not set in stone, these roles are perfect for sisters or close cousins.

When the number of prospective bridesmaids seems daunting, whittle down the list by asking some to play other roles in your wedding. It may be a hard conversation if they expect to be a brides maid, but tell them honestly how hard it was to make the decision and trust they care enough to be OK with it.

You, and only you, should choose your bridesmaids and do it quickly. Chances are you’ll be pressured to ask someone to be a bridesmaid. The easiest response? Say that you have already chosen your bridesmaids and all have accepted the honor.

Here’s how three Omahans used caring diplomacy — as well as creative wedding roles — to minimize hard feelings.

Although Peg Heenan’s wedding is not until fall, choosing her side of the bridal party was a no-brainer.

“I have a twin. She was my immediate choice,” Heenan said. “I love my friends and want them to be part of my wedding and help celebrate, but my family has stuck by me this whole time, so for me it’s all family.”

Gini Magnuson got married two years ago. She had five bridesmaids, including a sister and a cousin. Her maid of honor ended up being different than she imagined. Initially, she thought she would ask a friend from childhood.

“We always swore we would be each other’s maid of honor. But when the time came, we both wanted our sisters to be there with us,” Magnuson said.

Melissa Graber, who was married in July, planned on five attendants — before she became good friends with her husband’s two sisters. Graber didn’t want to leave them out of the bridal party, but knew she couldn’t expand to seven attendants. She got creative and asked her future sisters-in-law to be her personal attendants.

Although they were a little disappointed, they still had a major part in the wedding. Graber made sure they were included in the rehearsal dinner, the bridal tea and all other pre-wedding festivities.

Your bridal party should be made up of women who have given you support at this exciting but still stressful time in your life. When that number extends beyond the manageable, be thankful you have so many great friends and tell them so. Celebrate their friendship by finding a creative way to ensure that they’ll be there to help on your wedding day.